Time Changes Everything

As we have moved forward in this journey, I expected things to get easier. After all, mom is getting the help she so desperately needed, the kids are getting more used to living at our house and excitement is beginning to build in the boys about going back home with their mom.

The opposite has been the case. The more time they spend with mom, the more difficult it has become. They are both acting out but I am especially worried about J. I totally get why they do what they do. The defiance, anger, frustration - I understand exactly how all of those things can build up and then rear their ugly heads. For goodness sake, these boys have been through so much in their short lives.

It has been getting worse by the week, so I called the social worker this week and asked about getting them counseling. As with the immunizations, counseling is a sticking point for mom because it is against her religion. In fact, counseling will be a MUCH larger point of contention with mom. I am gearing up and bracing for a firestorm just for the fact that I even suggested it.

The SW has put into action a plan for someone to be with mom for 3 to 4 hours each week while the boys are with her in order to observe and critique her parenting skills. The SW believes the acting out is a result of going from the structure and stability of our house to the free-for-all atmosphere at mom's, and then coming back to structure. It creates confusion and frustration, understandably. The goal is for the boys to have structure, so the goal is to get mom to actually discipline them instead of always letting them have their way.

The SW said that we will try this approach first and, if there is not significant improvement in the behavior at our house, we will put them in counseling. Mom gets no say in this one. The judge has already ordered that they receive counseling if needed.

But it will still be a source of bitterness in mom. She will resent that we even brought up the fact that the boys are acting out. And that is fine with me. I can take it. As long as the boys have a good life with her in the long run.