The Things That Get to Me

I have said it before and I will say it again. It has been a fairly smooth transition for both our family and the boys. But there are a few things that get to me.

It's not the fact that their mom screwed up not only her situation but theirs, and ours. It's not that we are now accountable to the County and must follow their strict guidelines. It's not even the drama going on between their mom and dad. Nor the apparent intention of their dad to take them to Mexico and raise them there.

It's the little things that speak volumes. M crashed on his scooter today, Damage was minimal - a scraped knee and knuckle. Nothing a bit of Neosporin and a bandage topped off with a kiss couldn't fix. But as he sat there crying, I knew he wanted his mom. As much as I held and comforted him, fixed up his boo-boos and tried to make it better, I couldn't provide the one thing he really wanted. His mom. The same feeling of helplessness came over me when he woke up in the middle of the night with a 103.5 fever and a bad headache. Or when he got scared at something in a movie and started to cry. I can love and comfort him to the best of my tried and true mommy ability, but I can't be her.

On Valentine's Day, all the kids woke up and came at me with big hugs and a "Happy Valentine's Day mom!" Even M and J. They have both called me mom on several occasions - they laugh it off somewhat, but I think they just want to fit in and be a part of our family. I corrected them each time in the beginning, but now I just let it go. Breaks my heart for these two. M even made a Valentine card at school, wrote To: Mom and Dad (actually wrote Moom and Dad - cute) and gave it to me and my husband. I asked him if he meant to give it to his mom, and he said no that he did that on purpose.

This journey may be a short one or may be a long one. No one knows at this point. I'm sure it will have many twists and turns. I am just trying to keep my focus on the two little lives that are in home right now. I want to have a positive impact while I have the opportunity to influence them. And hopefully they will carry with them what they learn at our home, whether they leave here in a few months or remain with us until their grown.

One day at a time.