Life is so busy, I don't get much time to stop in here and blog. Summer has been a bit of a challenge so far ...
The boys are in daycare. J is happy to go to daycare. He loves that he gets to play with his friends, go on field trips and have assemblies. M is not so happy about it. He complains that my kids get to stay home. I work from home and my kids are old enough to keep quiet while I am working. They can also fend for themselves when I have an appointment to attend. M is not happy with this arrangement and makes it known. But I must work and this is the only way I can efficiently do so.
I had surgery a week ago to remove a bone in my shoulder that was impinging my artery and blood flow to my arm. I was scheduled to have this surgery in January, a week after we got the boys. With all of the upheaval in our lives at that point, I postponed the surgery. We are in a bit of a groove now with the kids, so I rescheduled (being told by the doctor that my condition had worsened also pushed me along). The surgery went very well, but I must rest in order to recover. And I am not allowed to drive yet.
So we made the mom step up and help us out during this time. Since she has unmonitored visitation privileges, she has been taking the boys to daycare each morning for me. She also came to our home at 4:30 a.m. on the day of my surgery to sit with the boys and get them to daycare. It's the least she can do.
I have noticed a change in the boys this summer. I'm not sure if it's just that they have reached a higher comfort level here, or if they are just getting more frustrated with this whole situation. It may have something to do with the amount of time they are now spending with their mom (16 hours a week, unmonitored). Both of them are sporting more attitude. M will challenge us when asked to do something, or complain about how we do things. J will just roll his eyes at me.
They are able to "work" their mom pretty easily. A few whiny words, a couple of tears, some begging - it's that easy to get what they want from her. I honestly think they are more frustrated with us now because they have been with their mom so much lately, and have had a taste of manipulation. They know it doesn't work with us and it aggravates them.
We still have 54 days of summer to go. Hope I make it!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Five Months
It has been five months since this adventure began. Ups, downs and all, we are making it.
The boys are doing great. School is almost out for the summer and both boys have adjusted well to their new school. Each of them won an award in their class, which made them and me very proud. I have to hand it to them - so much upheaval in their young lives and they still manage to be good kids and do a good job with their school work.
Their dad has not called here since he left. He has called their mom a couple of times while the boys were with her and talked to them briefly. I am still not sure what he intends to do long-term, but I do not think he will ever be a meaningful participant in the boys' lives.
At this point mom gets to take them for 12 hours per week unmonitored. This has been the case for the last 3 weeks, and I must say it has been nice to have that break each weekend. The next step will be an overnight visit each week, then progressing to her having them for the weekends.
This all sounds great but the reality is that she is still doing classes every weekday. This means the only time she can work is evenings and weekends. So even though she has increased visitation with the boys, we will still have them here the majority of the time while she works.
She will be finished with her classes in late November, barring any hiccups along the way. At that point she can look for a day job and, when she finds one, she can then resume parenting the boys on a full-time basis.
When all is said and done, we will have them for a full year. Wow.
The boys are doing great. School is almost out for the summer and both boys have adjusted well to their new school. Each of them won an award in their class, which made them and me very proud. I have to hand it to them - so much upheaval in their young lives and they still manage to be good kids and do a good job with their school work.
Their dad has not called here since he left. He has called their mom a couple of times while the boys were with her and talked to them briefly. I am still not sure what he intends to do long-term, but I do not think he will ever be a meaningful participant in the boys' lives.
At this point mom gets to take them for 12 hours per week unmonitored. This has been the case for the last 3 weeks, and I must say it has been nice to have that break each weekend. The next step will be an overnight visit each week, then progressing to her having them for the weekends.
This all sounds great but the reality is that she is still doing classes every weekday. This means the only time she can work is evenings and weekends. So even though she has increased visitation with the boys, we will still have them here the majority of the time while she works.
She will be finished with her classes in late November, barring any hiccups along the way. At that point she can look for a day job and, when she finds one, she can then resume parenting the boys on a full-time basis.
When all is said and done, we will have them for a full year. Wow.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Dad Has Left the Building
Well, the boys' dad was here for all of a month. Now he's gone. He left yesterday to move across the state and start a new life - oops, I mean job.
He says he is going there to work for a "few months" to earn some money then he will be back to participate daily in the lives of his children. He very clearly does not want to be married to their mother any longer, which is fine. But to pack up and leave his kids? Again?
Poor J is devastated to say the least. This will scar that boy far more than his mother's drinking and the consequences of it. Both boys were ecstatic that their father was finally here, ready to be part of their lives. They had hopes and dreams of how life was going to be once they could be home and have their dad with them. Especially J - he has a certain bond with his dad that goes deep. Both boys are upset and sad, but J is crushed to the core.
So here we are, left to pick up the pieces of his decision to leave. We have to comfort them and dry their tears. We have to try to explain to little boys why their father has left them.
I come back to my theme of this entire ordeal. We must focus. Focus on these kids, on the task at hand. Focus on helping mom to continue on the right path (she's doing great, by the way) to reunify with her boys. She can do this, we have faith.
Focus. And soldier on. For the boys.
He says he is going there to work for a "few months" to earn some money then he will be back to participate daily in the lives of his children. He very clearly does not want to be married to their mother any longer, which is fine. But to pack up and leave his kids? Again?
Poor J is devastated to say the least. This will scar that boy far more than his mother's drinking and the consequences of it. Both boys were ecstatic that their father was finally here, ready to be part of their lives. They had hopes and dreams of how life was going to be once they could be home and have their dad with them. Especially J - he has a certain bond with his dad that goes deep. Both boys are upset and sad, but J is crushed to the core.
So here we are, left to pick up the pieces of his decision to leave. We have to comfort them and dry their tears. We have to try to explain to little boys why their father has left them.
I come back to my theme of this entire ordeal. We must focus. Focus on these kids, on the task at hand. Focus on helping mom to continue on the right path (she's doing great, by the way) to reunify with her boys. She can do this, we have faith.
Focus. And soldier on. For the boys.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Dad is Here
Well, the boys' dad arrived here finally on Friday. They saw him yesterday for the first time in a year and a half. To say they were overjoyed would be a gross understatement. My husband took both boys and their dad to their first (even dad's!) MLB game last night. I'm sure it is a day that the boys will remember for the rest of their lives as one of the best ever.
Dad is a bit quiet and shy but is very attentive to the boys. Not quite sure yet how things are going to work with dad and mom but for now they are living in the same home and she is going to help him find a job.
This could go either way - all could work out and they could live happily ever after as a family, or mom and dad could have a big blow out and it could get ugly.
Fingers crossed for the former!
Dad is a bit quiet and shy but is very attentive to the boys. Not quite sure yet how things are going to work with dad and mom but for now they are living in the same home and she is going to help him find a job.
This could go either way - all could work out and they could live happily ever after as a family, or mom and dad could have a big blow out and it could get ugly.
Fingers crossed for the former!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
A new chapter? Or an old one?
Like the sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives ...
Ever feel like you're in a soap opera? Only it's your life? Welcome to my world.
The boys' mom and dad have apparently decided to make a go of it. When he returns to this country in a couple of weeks, he now says he intends to live with her and attempt to make their marriage work. Is he just realizing that he needs her help to make a go of it in America? Or has he truly had a change of heart and wants to keep his family intact? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter!
At least the boys are doing well. Progressing in school, behaving for us here at home, enjoying their lives it seems. Must focus on them, and not the drama.
Ever feel like you're in a soap opera? Only it's your life? Welcome to my world.
The boys' mom and dad have apparently decided to make a go of it. When he returns to this country in a couple of weeks, he now says he intends to live with her and attempt to make their marriage work. Is he just realizing that he needs her help to make a go of it in America? Or has he truly had a change of heart and wants to keep his family intact? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter!
At least the boys are doing well. Progressing in school, behaving for us here at home, enjoying their lives it seems. Must focus on them, and not the drama.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The More Things Change ...
What a wild ride. It all started out rather calmly, this process. Everyone was on the same team. Hope mom and dad can get it together as a team and get J and M back, live as a family and flourish. Then it changed to mom and/or dad, or any combination thereof. Now we just have our fingers crossed that one of them might actually be strong and mature enough to actually do this!
Dad doesn't do what mom wants, and mom goes ballistic. Mom tries to give my husband and I parenting tips (in the form of a Scientology child rearing guide) because we don't do things the way she would do them. My husband doesn't take kindly to the suggestions. Dad is trying his best to get up here and keep things copasetic with mom.
I am simply trying to stay focused on the task at hand. Be a good influence while I have them. We actually had a visit from a "pre-adoption" social worker this week. She said it is routine for her to visit, but I'm keeping a watchful eye on the situation ...
Dad doesn't do what mom wants, and mom goes ballistic. Mom tries to give my husband and I parenting tips (in the form of a Scientology child rearing guide) because we don't do things the way she would do them. My husband doesn't take kindly to the suggestions. Dad is trying his best to get up here and keep things copasetic with mom.
I am simply trying to stay focused on the task at hand. Be a good influence while I have them. We actually had a visit from a "pre-adoption" social worker this week. She said it is routine for her to visit, but I'm keeping a watchful eye on the situation ...
Monday, March 1, 2010
Acclimation
Has it really been six weeks? Has it only been six weeks?
Amazing how quickly everyone adapts to new circumstances. I find it so interesting that the boys feel so much a part of our family already. When asked to write about family traditions, J wrote only about what we do here in our home. M was asked to draw his family and he included only our immediate family, including J, but not his mother nor his father. He even included our dogs.
I am so glad that they feel so comfortable with us, but it also breaks my heart. They must have really needed that connection to cling to it so readily. Perhaps its a human survival instinct to identify with your current situation in such a deep way. Perhaps it is just two kids that want to fit in.
Whatever the reason, I am not going to discourage it. If it makes this situation easier for them, I'm on board.
Amazing how quickly everyone adapts to new circumstances. I find it so interesting that the boys feel so much a part of our family already. When asked to write about family traditions, J wrote only about what we do here in our home. M was asked to draw his family and he included only our immediate family, including J, but not his mother nor his father. He even included our dogs.
I am so glad that they feel so comfortable with us, but it also breaks my heart. They must have really needed that connection to cling to it so readily. Perhaps its a human survival instinct to identify with your current situation in such a deep way. Perhaps it is just two kids that want to fit in.
Whatever the reason, I am not going to discourage it. If it makes this situation easier for them, I'm on board.
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